The Mike Anderson Site Blog

Thinking

THINKING

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then — just to loosen up and be a part of the crowd.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I had become a binge thinker….

Somehow – I don’t know where or when – I began to think alone –
“to relax,” I told myself — but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking
became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking
all the time, more or less.

That was when things began to go sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV, gazed at my wife and actually asked her about the meaning of life.

She spent that night at her mother’s.

Then I began to think on the job. Don’t ask me why – I knew that thinking and gainful employment don’t mix, but I couldn’t help myself.

I started to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius and Kafka. I read Bennett and Beck and O’Reilly. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, “What is it exactly we are doing here?” Where are we going? What is the meaning of all this?”

One day the boss called me in. He said, “John, listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job, well you’ll just have to find another job.”

Of course, all this gave me a lot to think about. I went home early after my conversation with the boss. “Honey,” I confessed, “I’ve been thinking…”

“I know you’ve been thinking!” she exclaimed. “And I want a divorce!”

“But Honey,” I said. “Surely it’s not that serious.”

“But it is serious,” she said, lower lip aquiver. “You think you know more than college professors. Pretty soon, you’ll probably think you know more than Michael Moore, although you won’t make nearly as much money as him. But in fact, if you keep thinking… well, we won’t have any money at all!” And she broke into tears.

“Honey, I think that’s a faulty syllogism,” I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.

“Darn it! I’m going to the library,” I snarled as I stomped out the door.

So I headed for the library.  I was in the mood for some John Locke. I roared into the parking lot with FOX playing on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.

But they didn’t open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the cold, unfeeling glass, whimpering for Emerson, a poster caught my eye:

“Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?” it asked.

You probably recognize that line. Of course – it comes from the Thinkers Anonymous poster we’ve all seen.

And at that moment, I started on the journey that I continue to this day. I became a Recovering Thinker.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was “Porky’s” and the week before that, we saw a couple of episodes of “Sex and the City.” Then we share experiences about how we have avoided thinking since the last meeting.

Thank goodness I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed easier somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think… no, scratch that! I believe the road to recovery is almost complete for me.

Because today I took that final step …. I joined the Democrat Party.

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